The Retired Old Farts League "ROFL"

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Large Marge is the person you want there when things turn ugly. She is a retired special ops marine who’s not so retired. If you’re looking to find Marge, just follow the explosions. Her only weakness is southern fried chicken, cakes, pasta, and, well, almost any delicious food.



Lippy Sue has spent her entire life training in all forms of martial arts. She can drop a man three times her size with a little finger twist. Lippy Sue’s only weakness is she will never admit when she is wrong and will word vomit you until you submit that you have had enough. It’s just easier to tell her she is always right.


Olive is the heart of the ROFL. That sweet little granny face makes her an expert in covert ops and has yet to fail a mission. She lives alone with her eleven cats, who have some of their own unique abilities. Olive’s only weakness is her eyesight; they just don’t make eyeglasses that thick anymore.



Gadget is a master engineer and spends most of his days creating the ROFL gizmos and gadgets. He is soft-spoken, and his small stature lets him go unnoticed. His only weakness is his crush on Olive.



Mean Gene has spent the majority of his life training animals. He is an old softy and has numerous shelter animals to prove it. The animals he trains have an unwavering dedication to their rescuer and have never failed him. Gene’s only weakness is his love for animals.



The villain of our story is the cunning Captain Lapue. He will walk over anything in his path to maintain his musk business. This stuff smells more like walrus breath than a high-end musk, but someone must be buying it because business is good. His loyal walrus bodyguards are with him every step of the way.


Ox is another person you want there when things are getting rough. He still hits the gym daily and never misses a workout. His weakness is math and spelling, or really anything that involves deep thought. He has the attitude “crush now, ask questions later.”



Hildegard joined the Russian Intelligence Agency at a very young age. She has trained hundreds of birds and has even trained ones they told her could never be taught. Her only weakness is like that of Mean Gene’s, her love of her feathered friends.